There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
