so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
