apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
