I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
