I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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