Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
