There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
