I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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