there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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