She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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