woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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