they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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