i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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