Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
