So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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