Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
