puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
