FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
