Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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