Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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