Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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