I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
