So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ttyl tear gas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
