you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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