Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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