I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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