oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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