Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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