If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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