I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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