There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
