You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
