my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
