He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
