He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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