so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
