you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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