i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
