At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this hospital has no fireball
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
