You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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