when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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