I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
