Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
