I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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