She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
