I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
