I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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