awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I want is dick and wine.
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