Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
