I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
