Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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