We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
