dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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