My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
