Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
