i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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