The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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