Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
