If that was your dad, he is hot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
