I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
