An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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