woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
