I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize