Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
